Rebirth into Myself

(1-25-2020)

So here I am sitting in my very own forest in the campsite. I have had five days of mold exposure prevention, basically staying outside or wering a mask. And for the first time in a long time, my brain is clear, and when Im outside its even clearer. I feel the light, the seeds of life beginning to sprout, beginning to grow, beginning to crack open their hard, external shells,;. I feel the little bubbles of crystalline water, bubbling and forming inside of me. I am finally free. Step by step by step, day by day, this will be better and better, as I go. I am feeling life feeling the warth, the excitement for any little event.

Rebirth into Myself

I feel joy, now, I feel it in my body, even if its just a little bit, I feel it growing and growing,

I feel myself beginning laugh on the inside, there’s nothing more the hide,

I dont need to resist after everything Ive missed, its not worth it,

Youve just gotta work it, or PLAY IT. And believe it, every day… there IS A WAY

That way is in my heart, UNITED not FRIGHTENED no more FEAR…

melting into the universe, the multiverse,

forgiving myself, forgiving thistrememdnous lack of health that I have had,

it hasn’t been all bad.

There have been amazing moments, amazing, months, and weeks, and years, amazing sacred etereties

as the sparks from the fire, tickle my desire, and instead of awakening a monster,

an angel emerges frm the deep, deep darkness,

that darkness that we are so afraid of

it is with in us it IS US

THE SEEDS OF THE LIGHT that we saved to SAVE US FROM the TERRIBLE FIGHT…

from the gloom and doom

the seeds of light, cannot sprout without this dark,,

not even a sprout, nor a spark ,

is there doubt, I think not, in this eternal eternity

in this instantaneous moment of such deep forgivingness

I FEEL RICH in this being so greatful, no longer hateful of my problems

finally, I CELEBRATE solving them

I LOOK AROUND and see the mask on the ground beside me and I feel myself clear,

“WOW!!! What an intense year!!!”

As I go outside, and the freash air fills my body, and the dis-ease also leaves,

and coming and going from this house that has had mold invisibly

I realize my worth, my reason for birth, beacasue I have beeen healing

I don’t need to escape

I dance back and forth until I finally realize that my true home is very possibly outside,

with the trees, the plants and my family and a nice fire,

It is very close to all I desire.

This doubtfulness that comes upon us

never beyond, I am go greateful I vow never again to be hateful

not of myself, and not of frustration of anyone else,

not of myself, not of my health

not of my mistakes allthough they have been many and great,

paralizing and crushing, the heart and mind, freaking paniking, so afraid to just be alive…

because everything that I touched seems to desintegrate or at least that’s what my eyes saw through this grate, through that filter, of sight created by my beliefs.

Those that I yearn to discard to transform into that rich, beautiful compost heap.

And I now am loving myself more than anybody else

and I now I am giving myself the gift most beautiful to give, im giving myself my own heart with the most beautiful dedication there ever is.

My bones are singing, and heart is shining full. And my belly I feel little jumps of joy to feel the excitement to be back in this world,

My heart goes out to every family that has familiy striving to heal a beloved and cannot find a way,

because there is so much confusiin, mind, spirit and body, today

but we have the solutions right in our hands

working together, we are achieving another level of health in this land, in this blessed sacredness

to deep lessons of so much amazing ness

I promise my heart to you Aiyana, you are my best friend of mine, you are my best friend, my best advisor, my best concubine and I will never be ashamed of what you have had to do to step into this partbecause you are on of the most amazign people now and I wish every one could feel this way, about them selves.

Written by a woodfire drinking fir needle tea

(This poem was from deep in my heart, it is the first I write since you arrive from Chile (Ivan) I am sitting here drinking tea from the pine trees, dry wood on the fire, peace all around, and in my heart is shining with color, with sound, with smell, and taste of golden. I love you guys, Wayra and Ivan, we are all really generous people. I will be myself from now on, that I am clear is the most important)

Este poema fue muy , muy de corazon y es el primero que escribo desde que llegues tu desde chile, estoy sentada aqui tomando te de los mismosm pinos, lena seca en la fogata, paz alrededor, y en mi corazon esta brillando de color, de sonido, de olor, dorado. Loa amo chicos, Wayra, Ivan, realmente nos ayudamos mucho. Todos somo muy generosos. Yo ahora sere yo de ahora en adelante, que yo sea clara es lo mas importnte.